Yes and no about the introversion. You are right in that I like to be introverted a lot of the time but other times I am very open and outgoing. And yes I am not looking to any of this for professional advice, this has all ready gone in much more than I thought it would which is nice actually. I do want to go see someone at least to get a professional opinion but a lot of that will have to wait till I am more independent. I do have the urges to do stuff and see people and a professional from time to time but my life is entirely on someone else’s schedule so it comes to asking and then explaining and then prying… So I at the moment deal with it.
@Gnuuser yeah I probably should have, but I also do/did not want this to be a big pity party. Thankfully it has been very nice, though I am sure a few have read this and felt that way. A therapy pet could be really good but it is not happening. I still live at home and pets are not a thing that will happen… I would love a cat for those reasons stated. My friends cat is great. We do have a dog but I am not super involved in him. I should be but I feel the same about doing anything with him as I do with people, he is looked after don’t worry more of my dads dog than anything else. I was incredibly opposed to the antidepressants initially but I was against anything that would help then too. I van say for me they have been amazing, no side effects, no after effects when I stopped, it was low dose anyway. They helped a lot and I would not hesitate to use them again if I need to, by all accounts I got very lucky with them that it worked and well straight away.
@COGlory you are right that I want to do things but the week days I work are… Well the week. So it feels a little annoying that I even have to expend a lot of effort to see friends, they all live away from me now so I spend the weekend with them if I see them. This is going to sound terrible but that is just another restriction to me. I enjoy hanging out but if at any point I want to do something else, I have gone from being stuck at home to stuck in a different home. At the moment it comes down to lack to personal freedom movement. Refreshing myself is good and works but it has its own, maybe sled created, problems. Like the shower… I would love one straight away when I get home but I have to wait for the water to heat up and that gives me time to slump. There has been plenty of time that I have come home feeling good and ready to do something only to have to wait some period of time and in that time I just shutdown and then end up back to doing nothing. Planning is hard not because it is hard but because I start to think about everything that has to be done for whatever it is. Spontaneity is a big thing for me, I am very much a person of opportunity in that if somehi g is there now and can be done with no additional mental effort then I will even if it will take hours, be mentally taxing and physically exhausting just the fact that it is there right now is the push I need. Having to plan or wait for anything just immediately make it not worth it.
A good final example of this is food. I will be very hungry, painfully so, standing in a kitchen with everything I need but the thought of the time it takes to prepare the food stops me, I like X but to takes time when I could eat Y right now. It I just don’t want it. So I stop and just continue being hungry trapped between now and unsatisfying or later and well later which I need right now.