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Just ramblings, but I feel odd like something is missing


I don’t know you from a hole in the wall, so sorry if this completely misses the mark. What you’re describing I’ve gone through as well. I honestly think part of it is just being tired. It takes effort to work on hobbies, it takes effort to deal with people, it takes effort make yourself presentable to go outside. You said you’re engaged on weekends so it doesn’t really sound like you not wanting to do anything ever.

Have you tried getting yourself into a physically and mentally refreshed state? Exhaustion (mental and physical) can be paralyzing. You could attempt to do things like shower, cook and eat dinner, meditate, listen to relaxing music, etc. You might find that those things energize you enough to do something that you enjoy for an hour or two in the evenings.


Yes and no about the introversion. You are right in that I like to be introverted a lot of the time but other times I am very open and outgoing. And yes I am not looking to any of this for professional advice, this has all ready gone in much more than I thought it would which is nice actually. I do want to go see someone at least to get a professional opinion but a lot of that will have to wait till I am more independent. I do have the urges to do stuff and see people and a professional from time to time but my life is entirely on someone else’s schedule so it comes to asking and then explaining and then prying… So I at the moment deal with it.

@Gnuuser yeah I probably should have, but I also do/did not want this to be a big pity party. Thankfully it has been very nice, though I am sure a few have read this and felt that way. A therapy pet could be really good but it is not happening. I still live at home and pets are not a thing that will happen… I would love a cat for those reasons stated. My friends cat is great. We do have a dog but I am not super involved in him. I should be but I feel the same about doing anything with him as I do with people, he is looked after don’t worry more of my dads dog than anything else. I was incredibly opposed to the antidepressants initially but I was against anything that would help then too. I van say for me they have been amazing, no side effects, no after effects when I stopped, it was low dose anyway. They helped a lot and I would not hesitate to use them again if I need to, by all accounts I got very lucky with them that it worked and well straight away.

@COGlory you are right that I want to do things but the week days I work are… Well the week. So it feels a little annoying that I even have to expend a lot of effort to see friends, they all live away from me now so I spend the weekend with them if I see them. This is going to sound terrible but that is just another restriction to me. I enjoy hanging out but if at any point I want to do something else, I have gone from being stuck at home to stuck in a different home. At the moment it comes down to lack to personal freedom movement. Refreshing myself is good and works but it has its own, maybe sled created, problems. Like the shower… I would love one straight away when I get home but I have to wait for the water to heat up and that gives me time to slump. There has been plenty of time that I have come home feeling good and ready to do something only to have to wait some period of time and in that time I just shutdown and then end up back to doing nothing. Planning is hard not because it is hard but because I start to think about everything that has to be done for whatever it is. Spontaneity is a big thing for me, I am very much a person of opportunity in that if somehi g is there now and can be done with no additional mental effort then I will even if it will take hours, be mentally taxing and physically exhausting just the fact that it is there right now is the push I need. Having to plan or wait for anything just immediately make it not worth it.

A good final example of this is food. I will be very hungry, painfully so, standing in a kitchen with everything I need but the thought of the time it takes to prepare the food stops me, I like X but to takes time when I could eat Y right now. It I just don’t want it. So I stop and just continue being hungry trapped between now and unsatisfying or later and well later which I need right now.


if you like veggies keep a few carrot stick or celery and fruit on hand they are quick and satisfying

spontaneity! get involved with paintball clubs or start one yourself.
they are a blast and often a welcome diversion, you would be surprised how addictive the games can be :smiley:
sure you may end up with a few welts and small bruises but that half the fun (but you can get protective vests and other gear!
I cant do too much when the temperature is high due to my heart condition But Im actively involved myself ( I own a tippman and a spyder paintball guns masks and gear) and my friend has set up a course on his land.
our games usually take up an afternoon and the wives and girlfriends (those who aren’t playing themselves set up foor, drinks and film the games and “battle wounds” scores are kept for record of the year.


Yeah good idea for the food.

I enjoy paintball but that is yet another thing that takes time and travel and planning… Yeah you get then pattern by now. If I lived somewhere that was not devoid of … Shit what does his place actually have… If in lived anywhere else that would be a great idea, but that is 95% of any suggestions.

It does not play on my mind like it did before during the bad time but I seriously hate where I live. And yes I know, move out then, this is one big snowball of things that all need to line up with Jupiter and some other solar systems before that happens, but I am not getting into that I don’t want to.


you can of course move but is that going to be the answer or are you going from one hole to another?
making use of your surroundings may be a better answer and will require a little different though.
for example a back yard! place a few pallet “walls” or foxholes as we call them and you have a battle field! an old building " guerrilla warfare or zombie hunt site"
we use plywood cutouts of people(innocent bystanders) (aliens) and or enemy soldiers that pop up or swing out Tactical police style training.
when you add a few live “enemies” that can paste you back this stuff really keeps you on your toes
your imagination is the only limiting factor

if you think about it many people here are gamers and game designers! We have a distinctive advantage and imagination when it comes to gaming
we could design some awesome courses that others could build and get paid to design them.
think about how stage props are built and add in a few animation devices
holy crap its just about boggles the mind


after reading all the reply’s i can think of one thing, imo, to say, pick one of the suggestions given to you and start. start with something easy, like buying a few pounds of fruit to eat when your hungry.
but start something.


this forum is a good starting point! here we can design our mazes and plans for others to review and make their suggestions.
having people of like mind to talk to is golden, you may not have that in your immediate local but you have them here.
Im no stranger to depression and in many cases don’t feel like talking to people around my own area because on a technical level Im working on computers and they are often working on stone axes. often its getting them to see the importance and benefits of higher learning
Im willing to help them to learn and I think that’s the only thing keeping me from going crazy here.
I think that’s why I enjoy this forum so much, While I am not a heavy gamer but mostly a power uses and some times coder I get to interact with people who are as much technical minded and it’s really nice not having to use a sledgehammer to pound an idea into someones head :smile:

Im sure we all have our little problems that plague us but we are able to discuss them out.
And That is what makes us different! How many people do you know that are afraid to discuss whats bothering them?