Just writing it down because it helps sometimes.
Been working for a few months now and I enjoy the work (welder). Before this i was terminally unemployed. So I am very grateful to be doing it. Free time and friends have always been a problem for me though. I am terrible at keeping friends or contact with anyone, I just don’t initiate contact always thinking they are busier or just not wanting to disturb anyone. I genuinely think it is a mental issue…
So that leads to the missing part. When I get off work I want to.do nothing. And I mean it. I get home and don’t make food, I will turn on my PC but do nothing with it and while I do have hours at home before bed (5/6ish to 11pm) they seem to disappear. I have no want to game or talk to do anything I.just sit in my chair and turn into a zombie.
I thought thus might pass after a while but I am now nearly a half a year doing this and it is the same.
The friends thing is odd because at the weekends I.love going to see them and going out in general. I like being around people and going places but almost have a physical repulsion to contacting people. Here are a few that are good friends that I pretty much only play online with and I think I have talked to them twice since I started working. Which makes me feel bad because I am not making the effort.
Not sure I am looking for anything but it feels odd, like I am missing out on my own life still. When I was unemployed it made sense but now that I am working other than a chunk of my day being taken up it is actually worse than I was before. More sheltered and cut off than ever.