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Just ramblings, but I feel odd like something is missing


#1

Just writing it down because it helps sometimes.

Been working for a few months now and I enjoy the work (welder). Before this i was terminally unemployed. So I am very grateful to be doing it. Free time and friends have always been a problem for me though. I am terrible at keeping friends or contact with anyone, I just don’t initiate contact always thinking they are busier or just not wanting to disturb anyone. I genuinely think it is a mental issue…

So that leads to the missing part. When I get off work I want to.do nothing. And I mean it. I get home and don’t make food, I will turn on my PC but do nothing with it and while I do have hours at home before bed (5/6ish to 11pm) they seem to disappear. I have no want to game or talk to do anything I.just sit in my chair and turn into a zombie.

I thought thus might pass after a while but I am now nearly a half a year doing this and it is the same.

The friends thing is odd because at the weekends I.love going to see them and going out in general. I like being around people and going places but almost have a physical repulsion to contacting people. Here are a few that are good friends that I pretty much only play online with and I think I have talked to them twice since I started working. Which makes me feel bad because I am not making the effort.

Not sure I am looking for anything but it feels odd, like I am missing out on my own life still. When I was unemployed it made sense but now that I am working other than a chunk of my day being taken up it is actually worse than I was before. More sheltered and cut off than ever.


#2

Is it odd that i do almost the same thing?
I thought about posting about it here sometimes but never did because i thought i would be bothering the community.
Sometimes i do the same thing as you described for weeks at a time, snap out of it, play some games and come back to it.
I wouldn’t know how to describe what drives this lack of will to do anything or to contact people, but i do feel it as well.


#3

Same…

Same…

Fucking same…

Honestly, I haven’t found a proper way to deal with it. Maybe we should just force ourselves…? Not sexualy. Maybe sexualy…
My point was, I am pretty much the same thing. If I wasn’t working with people my life would be completely devoided of direct human contact. So maybe we should force ourselves to make more friends and generally human contacts. It’s tough, I hate people as well, but I definitely agree something is missing in that daily routine…


#4

Well it feels wrong.

Yeah I totally under stand about not wanting to post it yourself. That is part of the oddness. I won’t literally click one button as I sit like a zombie in my chair. The mouse can be in my hand, discord open, I can see people in there but I just don’t want to engage.

But the forum… It comes across different in my head. Almost like I can post stuff like this and can be happy knowing it does not disrupt an ongoing conversation and can happyily be over looked and everyone can carry on.

@psycho_666 yeah I do force myself every now and then and I do like people most of the time. What I hate is explaining. Like even small things, I just don’t want to either have to.explain or if it is easy, I don’t then want the conversation that follows. I think it is because I have gone through them in my head all ready, they are never how the conversations go but its like I don’t want to do it again.

And a very large portion of it is not wanting to have to do anything for people. I feel a need for people to be feeling good. Like if they are down then I will fall into that too. So rather than find out I will avoid it.

Okay maybe this was a bad idea, there is a lot to this and definitely more than I want to share. Damn it.


#5

Discord is just a glorified chatroom. And yes. It does feel wrong, but other than actually force yourself you can’t really do much else…
You can try to find social hobbies, like chess, cycling or soggy biscuit, or something. But if you don’t force it upon yourself it may not be achievable on its own.


#6

Yeah, exactly, this forum in special, its members are mostly welcoming, i feel at home here.
I even have a facebook account and an instagram, but i barely post on those, people are seriously mean over at those places, bunch of a-holes.


#7

Social stuff is hard. I was not welcome when I moved to where we live now, that was near 19 years ago. So I just shut the entire town out.

So social stuff is not an option really. I would need to be somewhere I can do what I want and not need to rely on anyone to get out.


#8

Cant relate to doing absolutely nothing, except when mistakes have been made and I’m prisoned and expected to stay prisoned

I think thats something what needs fixing, like at very least just watch anime 24/7 :face_with_raised_eyebrow:


#9

Yeah that’s another thing. I don’t watch anything anymore other than some YouTube videos. I don’t know why. I enjoy some stuff but it feels like I have tonput effort into watching things so I dont., what am I getting out of it… Its notmlike I am going to discuss what I am watching with anyone.


#10

Like, watching ASMR videos and doing nothing :smiley:


#11

Did for a bit. Just don’t have interest.

My main worry with all of this is that lack on interest. It troubles me because I feel like I only ever do things because I have to. I might lose interest in everything, and that’s scary.


#12

Been staying over parents house since Xmas with my brother, and been playing together Stardew Valley, and been watching some movies every evening

Think this was good choice since I started to see vivid dreams :man_shrugging:t2:


#13

That is my fear as well


#14

Not that I’m a psych or anything like that. Or I’m trying to give you an official it diagnosis or anything. But I did take one year of psych in high school and averaged a B.

Maybe your having swings of depression. Anhedonia is one hell of a thing with losing interest in things.


#15

Also. I don’t know if I did this to you. Although it is likely. I do tend to ghost and submarine people ALOT on here. I ghosted gigabuster a few days ago and psycho in the DMs. I’m not that social either and replying to people takes a lot of effort for me. :stuck_out_tongue:

So I apologize if I ever did ghost you. Because I most likely forgot about replying to you.


#16

I think his issue is IRL, not really the forum…

Psycho will remember that…


#17

I just wanted to make sure.


#18

Oh I definitely do have depression. It was bad for a while but have been on medication for it that helps a huge amount and have recently gotten off them and feel much better over all. It was mostly to do with not having anything to do and far too much time to think. So you are not far off.

No don’t worry you have not done anything to me. No one here has it is not related to anything here. In fact this is my most comfortable social place. But I get the effort thing. It sound so silly writing it out because that is all it takes sometimes even less. But I feels like a lot in my head.


#19

Pick a hobbie(s) that occupy your mind. Programming, art, biking, building cars, electronics, models…

This is a big help for me when depressed.


#20

How’s your diet/exercise situation?