Windows 7 keeps failing to configure updates?

I've been running it for 5 years

WHAT???

That would be a terrible idea. Several zero-day hacks have come to light since it was first released.

Agree, but you wont have that effect if you only use Adobe CC i geuss?

I run with updates disabled as well. Only use the turd once a month maybe.

Never had an issue

Its not like the issue is always noticeable :p

Windows 7 update service is kinda dead for more then a year allready.
The only think that you could do is starting with a clean iso from scratch and slipstream all the update packages that are important by hand.
And keep that iso up to date every month.
But you will get all the nasty telemetry tracking trowed at you aswell.

Hey, had a friend with a similar, if not identical, and it was a date/time issue between bios and windows 7 update service. (has to be time correct it seems).
I usually reset to do not check for updates, shut down, power off, boot, check in windows if still off , for updates, re-inable the service, sometimes more than once.
Recently, two units take forever to install. Start updates in the morning and it will be the evening when it asks to reboot.....seemingly having finished and NOT indicating the progress at all...............

My last experiance with this was that the update service keeps scanning for updates hogging 2GB of ram for over 12 hours a day without end.
The update services are just broken.
MS has putted out serveral fixes for this since June 2015 allready.
And nothing trully seems to fix it.
Some people seem to be lucky however.

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This is why i cry that M$ doesn't just release dx to open source, so we'd be done with this.
DX, is m$ life boat, that and dirty bussiness with laptop manufacturers is what keeps them alive.
Either that or developers stops all togehter using DX. Windows as a desktop would die so fast it's not even funny.

You r right, on some units everything goes through..........I find myself missing Bill Gates, his times were way less capitalistic. (IMO)

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After Effects and Premiere are the only ones I don't already have an alternative for. I actually prefer GIMP over PhotoShop, and I'm getting to like InkScape.

It's a laptop, so I don't have Ubuntu on a separate drive. Is there some way I can temporarily use the Windows bootloader? Will it make it any better if I run GRUB from a CD or USB stick temporarily?

Blender as a video editor is actually very powerful.
Using the node editor you can achieve all the same stuff... just in a different way.

You can do all the same things but you'll have to learn a new way to get there (a new way of going about it).

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Good question. Any Linux gurus want to take this one?

Not sure on what others responded with as TL;DR but Windows 7 Update is notoriously aweful these days. Fortunately there are some ways to make it work a little better if you in a situation where it just will not download updates or keeps rolling them back:

Essentially create a .bat file with the following:

net stop wuauserv
net stop appidsvc
net stop cryptsvc
Del "%ALLUSERSPROFILE%\Application Data\Microsoft\Network\Downloader\qmgr*.dat"
Ren %systemroot%\SoftwareDistribution SoftwareDistribution.bak
Ren %systemroot%\system32\catroot2 catroot2.bak
sc.exe sdset bits D:(A;;CCLCSWRPWPDTLOCRRC;;;SY)(A;;CCDCLCSWRPWPDTLOCRSDRCWDWO;;;BA)(A;;CCLCSWLOCRRC;;;AU)(A;;CCLCSWRPWPDTLOCRRC;;;PU)
sc.exe sdset wuauserv D:(A;;CCLCSWRPWPDTLOCRRC;;;SY)(A;;CCDCLCSWRPWPDTLOCRSDRCWDWO;;;BA)(A;;CCLCSWLOCRRC;;;AU)(A;;CCLCSWRPWPDTLOCRRC;;;PU)
net start wuauserv
net start appidsvc
net start cryptsvc
netsh winsock reset
echo **** COMPLETED ****
echo Now install WindowsUpdateAgent-7.6-x64.exe or WindowsUpdateAgent-7.6-x86.exe

Call it Win7Fix.bat or something. Run it - You will probably need to right click and select run as Administrator.

This will stop all the relevant services involved with Windows Update. Effectively dump all the updates Windows 'thinks' its installed and then it will claim you've never updated and then allow you to reinstall them. It then restarts all the services.

The Latest Windows Update Client can be downloaded from Microsoft, can't remember the exact link for the life of me....

You can then leave the PC to download the updates again - Fair warning this could take all day or you can use the conveiance rollups at that point to patch the PC pretty close to up to date.

Hope the above helps. All credits for the above go to a colleague of mine I work with and I've reliably used it on every Windows 7 PC in my house and then some without issue.

You should try and run chkdsk and sfc from cmd and see if it does anything. I would also suggest you test your hard drive.
Can you boot into safe mode? If so you might be able to run tweaking windows repair tool and see what that does for you.

You know, it's funny y'all mention that...I thought the same thing and now I'm REALLY in trouble.

Not blaming anyone in this thread because there's no reason stuff should've went down like this, just thought y'all would be curious, and maybe offer some additional insight?

Did you verify in chkdsk or test the drive first? If you ran chkdsk on a failing/bad sector drive, it will likely cause this issue.

Also, I forgot this is dual boot (lol) so you should only have chkdsk on the windows partition. @K4KFH if you ran chkdsk on the entire drive, it will mess things up on the linux end (perhaps the boot as well) since linux doesn't run the terrible windows NTFS.

Ive dealt with this issue and solved it by running all these updates (in no particular order) with 2 exceptions.

Run the Microsoft Easy Fix second to last then reboot and run the windows updates and if all else fails then run the update diagnostic then rerun the windows update.