USB sound card with 5mm input

Hey guys, I have an electric guitar, and was wondering if there was a usb device you recommend that I can buy to turn my laptop into an amp. That way, I can plug my guitar into it, and use my headphones as the speaker output. Some software that lets me put distortion effects on it would be nice too. 

I'm in university digs and the walls are paper thin, so I'd rather not piss off my neighbours with the sound of an actual amp.