I am a severely fucked up person. I used to be an engineer and a graphic designer, but now I collect disability because I am too mentally ill to keep a job. I have been in treatment for years for depression, Bi-polar, Borderline Personality disorder and anxiety attacks.
Part of my treatment is DBT or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It is more like a college course that teaches emotional distress tolerance among other things. My therapist has a dog-eared manual and she gives me photocopied homework. It works but it is hard to remember all those new skills. So I bought the book.
BAD MOVE. First off it is written for psychiatrists so it is hard to understand. Second, I am reading about the cause of my problems but I don't have the emotional detachment to analyze it because it is happening to me. Third, I didn't really want to know just how fucked I am. It seems hopeless and a waste of time to even try to improve my situation. But that is the illness talking. SHUT UP! It's worse than going to WebMD to learn how to do surgery.
But, hey. I'm just at the beginning and the exercises that I wish to reinforce are in the later chapters. The beginning seems like "This section is for master wizards only, under no circumstances should you let your students play around with your magic wand." I think this book may be dangerous. Most days "Normal Cort" will shoot down anything resembling a positive attitude. "Good Cort" has to fight that guy everyday just to stay alive and he's doing Ok considering.
you're not fucked up dude. you just have problems like everyone else in this whole world. you can use that book to ask your therapist questions and might bring you better clarity on your troubles.
sometimes being aware of something negates it's affects on you too. so i duno man. you're in a difficult situation but im sure you can overcome it.
I guess my long winded point is, Don't mistake a book meant for a medical professional as a self-help book. It is over my head and there is unpleasantness in there that I really shouldn't be seeing. There is a reason we hire experts and often we discount their careers as easy because they are highly trained to make it look easy. For example, I would never expect an architect to design a steel frame by handing him my engineering book.
The only 'fucked up' mentally ill people are the ones in denial.
The fact that you had the balls to get help means that you are not fucked up at all. We all have issues, granted some are orders of magnitude more serious than others but any move towards getting well is a move on the right track.
Okay, I may not be a fucked up person, just sick, but sometimes I do fucked up things that I can't explain. Typically I will think I am being awesome and the next day I will realize "You weren't awesome, you were a jerk and you hurt somebody." When I am being a little insane, It is so hard to recognize and stop it before I do something I regret.
I was mean to a now ex-friend a few weeks ago and I decided my best move would be to isolate myself from the world for their protection. I know. It's stupid.
just gota learn from those realizations and recognize when you are doing it again. At least you have the ability to look back and see what you did wrong. some people live a clueless life and wrought destruction in their wake.
Something that has helped me is a 'keep it boring' heuristic. Keep interactions change changes as expected, predictable, and transparent as can be. A boring (see: stable) environment is one of the better places to recover and gather one's self.
Yup good one. Just yesterday the bitch that works for my landlord insulted me again. I had the perfect comeback but I just turned my back on her as she was speaking and walked away. All day I wished I had spoke up to defend myself, but I think I did the right thing. No drama. I kept it boring.
