My father died today. I am in terrible pain

My dad passed away 2011 and even though we weren’t on good terms for years, it hurt. I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if we had been on good terms.

My condolences and try to not isolate yourself while grieving.

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Thank you for your words.

Spend as much time with your dad as you physically can. Even at the expense of other things. Focus on positive things… When that day comes, the pain is terrible. Many people imagine this pain, but if someone has not experienced the death of a parent, they cannot fully understand what a person feels at that time.

I did not even have the opportunity to say goodbye. By the time we got to the hospital it was already too late and the doctor said that literally minutes ago…

My condolences to you and your loved ones!

The level of pain knocked me down to the ground, something I didn’t expect. Like I had run into a train…

Thank you all once again for all your words.

We have a saying that true friends are known in times of poverty… Unfortunately, once again in my life I have seen that some people do not deserve to be called friends. I have received more support from strangers via the internet whom I have never met in person than from these so-called friends.

The pain is still great and the depression is still there, but I have to believe that it will get at least a little better.

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Thank you for your words.

Spend as much time as possible with your parents and avoid bad emotions even on the worst day. When that day comes the pain is terrible.

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I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this. For what it’s worth I unfortunately know exactly how you feel having dealt with losing my father 10 years ago, he was 59.

I promise you that it will get better but it will be crushing for a while. I obviously don’t know your exact circumstances but I would seek out the best distractions you can for a while. Engross yourself in things you enjoy as much as you are able. When you feel like you can’t, do what you can to rely on family, friends, and community.

It’s okay to cry.

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I can’t imagine how painful and emptying this must feel, but I know I’d like empathy and support from the people around me, no matter how I got to know them.

I’m sure we’re all doing this as best we can and we’ll keep doing it.

Pain will leave room to new peace, you’ll be fine once more and there’s no other way.

Feel free to strike up a conversation about anything, either here on on Discord at the same username. I’ll make sure to get back to you and hopefully get some weight off you for a bit.

Take care.

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The grief from losing someone we love deeply is an almost indescribable, bottomless emotional pain. Why you feel so much pain is because you loved so deeply. Know that the pain will subside, that it will take time, that you should accept the grieving as a natural process that will take as long as you need, and that you have to go through it. Your father will always be with you. Condolences on your loss.

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I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I myself lost my grandmother about a year ago very suddenly. and your earlier post about it feeling like you have run into a train is very accurate, though myself went through a few days of being ready to fight god for more time, and then the terrible hurt came later.

I can not speak for everyone. but the crushing weight of grief took several months to get easier, even still there are times when I stumble across a reminder and must take some time pause and recover.

that being said, I am very sorry to hear that most of your friends have failed you when you need them now, but i hope that you have at least a few you can hold tight to in these trying times. tears are nothing to be ashamed of, you will not regret later spending them now.

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While friends typically get made, sourced from common bonds
Friends get made from peculiar bonds-- regardless if joyful, or some form of [familiar] trauma

Loss of the elders before us, isn’t something that can EVER be minimized
Regardless if well forecast, or some sudden loss [regardless malpractice or other activity]

I wish the weight lessens, but I haven’t been proven otherwise
I’ve had multiple extended + immediate members lost, to some form of malpractice
But how we respond, will make all the difference, to combat this ever-lingering void
We still have those before us [direct/indirect alike], looking towards a better tomorrow
And we have our own [growing] story… Abit with a smaller audience, than we desired

Do keep looking out for the sunrises, chasing for some outside light
… Even if keeps only offering bleak and gray

"Death leaves a heartache, no one can heal
Love leaves a memory, no one can steal"

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After the grieving process is done, I would also remind you that the eldest son in the family (probably you) are now the man of the house, and that you are in charge of the properties. You have to talk about what properties you are about to inherit and how it is supposed to be distributed.

Its going to be a tough talk especially if your mother is infirm but its going to be extra hard if this is done after your mom passes as well. Sorry you had to hear this but this is your reality now and you are now responsible of taking care of certain things now.

You are on full-adulting mode now. Learn the ropes while you can still have guidance from your mom. Here’s hoping she has been a good steward of the properties as well. :beers:

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First of all, as ever, Condolences upon your loss. Somehow knowing it’s going to happen doesn’t make it easier. Then again, maybe that’s not surprising at all, as the rocking of foundations and support beams shall move a structure no matter how large.

All grief is unique, tailored for every person in the face of death they find. And so there are few in exact words I can give beyond the recognition of your pain. But that’s not going to stop me from at the very least giving a few recommendations.

Use it. Understand it.

Do not wallow in your pain, that is not what pain is for. And… I know this is going to rip you up, but it needs be said… what is left of your father now is what is part of you. What does that mean? I can’t know. Strength? Compassion? Humor? Among your pain and tears how shall your father live on?

My grandfather lives on by helping others as I saw he do, and so, in what little I can, I hope this advice helps you.

Peace upon your weary heart, brother. :heart:

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Not alone.

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You’re very welcome, and you’re absolutely right. I lost my Dad May 21st this year. The pain never goes, but it lessens.

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Thursday was the funeral… I still can’t accept what’s happening. Sometimes I think I understand some people who reach for drugs to get rid of the pain.

My sincere condolences. Hope you can find some solace - it’s ok to feel sad and grief, but also please remember to care for yourself.

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Just remember … you are not alone! You have friends / family and us to reach out to and talk thru it all!

Fell free to dm if you need to! Had to deal with an close uncle that passed away in july and just found out yesterday that a somewhat distant uncle just passed away in the last couple of days.

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