First of all may I begin by saying thanks to Wendell & Level1 and its community I would not be who I am right now, for the better or worse. I’m using a fake account for this topic because of obvious reasons.
I am in a pretty bad spot right now, and I do not know simply what do with my life. I am from Spain, 19, and male. I graduated from High School 1 year ago and went to a what is considered a second-tier college here in Spain to study CS, because my grades in High School and the SAT were bad.
I had never actually “coded” or had done anything remotely CS related before I went to University.
I chose CS mainly because I’ve always been interested in tech but just let’s just say in the “informative” or “consumer-oriented” aspect of it, never really having acquired a useful skill throughout all the years I’ve spent in front of a computer being an introvert in High School, other than I guess English. And so, during my first semester I failed all of my finals.
I also don’t know how to study or actually learn things by the way.
I failed all of my finals because of a combination of reasons, but I’d say the biggest one by far is my own laziness and lack of will to actually work, and also me not being “smart” when it comes down to math and such, with which I’ve kinda struggled all my life, which makes you think “oh, why did you go into CS, then”.
I do not know. The job market sucks here in Spain and I find CS interesting in general, but I seem not to have either the brains or the willpower to actually become a proper engineer.
Now, after dropping outta Uni this last June, I’m staying at my parents’ home for a year, getting my driver’s license and such and preparing for Vocational School next year, which I couldn’t get into this year because in my region of Spain you could only apply during the Month of May and I fucked up.
I am planning to choose “Web Development”, but I haven’t done anything throughout this last summer and up until now, mainly because of my laziness and medical reasons (I am fine now) and because of another reason I am not willing to talk about. But now I have lots of free time, and it got me thinking: “Is anything related with software or web development” the right track for me? Sometimes I think yes, it’s the wrong thing for me to do, but it seems like one of the few stable careers nowadays that guarantee you’re not gonna be unemployed, especially here in Spain. But I just don’t know how to force myself and activate my “working mode” and achieve whatever I want to do.
During all my years in High School I also lied to other people about who I was,… I even told them I made trailers for DICE and made money online, so now I have no friends I can speak in town where my parents live because other than the fact that they’re all in university I am ashamed of all of those lies I told and the false persona I created to justify my introversion. I’m depressed, in a way. I’m scheduled to see psychologist in 2 weeks, so we’ll see what they tell me.
My parents are poor, and I’m spoiled in my own way, but this year I at least have a roof on my head
Anyways, if you’ve made it this far, thanks in advance.