All the progress I made in the last challenge has been defeated by my mental illness not allowing me to take things to the next level. I think I can come up with some challenges that I want to do and can get done and will help my life but not the real hard stuff I need to do. It is what it is. My life ... :S
I will be back in this post to add some goals/challenges in the coming days.
Update: I didn't come here soon enough with a goal but a huge one just fell in my lap.
Well 10 days ago I said I would be back with a goal and here I am on July 12, 2016 and I have in front of me an invitation from my aunt to come down for a weekend sometime soon to see if I can work well enough with the horses (standardbreds) to get my groomer's license. The thing is I have regressed in my physical fitness and dieting and the shape I am in now is not where I'd want to be working with these animals. I have been waiting for an opportunity like this all my life and she needs help with the five horses since my Uncle Joe passed on recently but in my current condition I don't think I can give my best. I am just so angry that I could not fight to get to the next level of exercise and diet that I so wanted and by not doing so I have given myself less a chance at doing well with this opportunity presented to me. Oh and the biggest issue right now is I couldn't even wake energized to do the job because my sleep cycle is totally reversed. I hate my life. It is always something. With this job I would be expected to rise and get ready quick to work at 5 am I believe and take care of the horses all day. Making this harder is my dosage is supposed to go up on a new medication and they were going to wait til next prescription fill to do it.
Sooooo ..... I guess my goal for this month is to ask important questions of my aunt in terms of what I need in terms of proper gear/clothing for this work and also I must let her now of my current physical state. I also must try this week to get back to daily exercise and maybe push the 8 second sprints with 10 second pauses to the top doing this for however many repetitions it says to do them. I really need to push hard because this job is all I have ever wanted.
Good news is I saw the pharmacist in the early morning hours of the 12th to see if they could start me on the new dose for the newer med I have been taking as I want to be used to it before going to any new work experience. So I guess I did accomplish one step so far in getting where I need to be.
I know like my aunt said one can only look forward and forget the past. The now is what is important. The thing is though if you had the opportunity to get your dream job would you not want to go into it with the best possible chance to do it? I really don't think I can get this done in the time frame I believe they expect me to do this. I even have my son's stepmother saying she will drive me to the London area to their home to do this which is big considering my son's stepmother does not like me but she knows this is all I have ever wanted.
I have a few tears trying to run out of my eyes. I feel anxious that I am trying to rush something that just isn't possible under the circumstances. I feel disappointed that I did not take up the offer by my son to help me continue to workout at the YMCA for June but I refused it because I wanted him to have his own life and he has gained so much from me being out of the way that month. Anyway I am stressed ...
Oh and to add more pressure but also incentive my aunt said if things worked out I could move to the London area and work with them on a regular basis if this trial went well. Now unfortunately because my Uncle Joe's son has his own issues and they have been made worse by his father's death I can't stay and live with them at the house which would have been beneficial to both parties but it just won't work.
:S
Here is a video of my Uncle Joe (Rest in peace and sorely missed :S) with Che who my Aunt Deb told me I would not be allowed around due to his anxiousness and other things that make him a wild one. Ironic I can't be around him when I have anxiety issues too. I thought we would be good together
Day 1 of "GET CRACKIN"
60 minutes and 1 second of jogging/running, 3 sets of 10 stomach vacuum, full waist twists (unknown number) and 63 leg lifts which also worked on the stomach plus I did a set of sprints for 8 seconds with 10 second pauses in between.
I am looking at just less than 2 weeks of workouts to be ready by Friday the 22nd of July (that weekend) for them to have me down to work with the horses.
Also today I did some research looking at schools for the future that have groom training and I looked at the costs and not so bad so I have a backup plan. I also looked for proper gear for working in the barns and I think it will be pretty common stuff but I want to get good fitting and good quality clothing for this.
Finally in the evening my son and I played some tennis and then while just walking back to the house invented a new sport using tennis rackets on a soccer pitch and it was loads of fun and full of laughs but also I said to my son that innovation comes from trying the craziest stuff. It was fun to think and talk about what we were doing out there and how it could be made into a real sport. Next we then went on and played another real sport shooting some hoops for an hour or so. We had a great evening and I got a hell of a workout today. I got to continue this Wednesday and it has to be just as intense.